I should be happy but why I'm so stressed out? Is it because they stripped off my HOP title? I should be happy because I'm so ordinary now. It was out of my system, UNTIL the top person mentioned about my HOPness to the new students just now.
Why did he do it??? All my colleagues saw my face turned into 'cokodok' when I was insisted to stand up. What's the point? The students are new and they should not have cared who was the HOP. Yes, it irked me to the very level of my being. It should not have happened.
Now I'm just waiting to move to my new room. My room now is a mess! I can't wait to make a new mess in my new room.
Why is my heart still breaking???
Monday, June 21, 2010
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Disillusionned.
Bertahun tak jumpa. Bukan bertahun, bertahun-tahun. Sekali-sekali nak jumpa kawan-kawan lama, dalam hati ni gembira. Sebumbung, sebilik, sekereta waktu belajar kat kolej.
Bila jumpa, masing-masing, ya lah, umur dah meningkat. Paras rupa memang ada perbezaan, kalau tak banyak pun, sedikit. Luntur (atau lentur) sana-sini, kembang sana-sini, tapi yang pasti, tak ada yang berkedut. Takat bahagian kepala tu Cessna boleh landing tu, ada jugaklah.
Tapi, bila masing-masing dah buka mulut, bercerita tentang kehidupan masing-masing, hati ni mula terdetik... Ya Allah, kawan-kawan aku ke ni? Kenapa berlainan sangat? Kenapa dorang jadi macam ni? Bila dorang gelak, follow je lah gelak, walaupun tak kelakar. Rasa macam aku ni kat tempat yang salah pun ada.
Dorang tu gaji 5 angka. Isteri tak bekerja pun boleh shopping kat Pavillion, pakai Prada, LV, Burberry, strawberry, blueberry entah apa jenis berry. Aku rasa out of place sangat bila kawan-kawan boleh "belai" isteri dengan barang-barang branded macam tu. Kengkadang terasa lega gak bini aku bukan jenis kaki branded. Lepas tu masing-masing simpan dua tiga awek pulak. Kalau takat simpan aje tak per, ni bukan jenis untuk geli-geli, tapi all the way.
Aku ada gak dosa aku, tapi takut tengok tegukan dorang kat tempat kami jumpa tu. Botol-botol tu dikosongkan macam minum air mineral. Kawan-kawan yang pernah aku kenal dulu ke ni? Nasib baik dorang tu jenis tak paksa. At least dorang respek aku takat minum Pepsi je. Dorang bawak BMW, aku takat Saga je. Dorang link house, town house yang harga cecah lebih setengah juta... aku takat bungalow ala-ala setinggan. Gaji pun 4 angka... tolak dengan bayar hutang, tinggallah seciput untuk hidup sebulan. Ada masa tu rasa macam kais pagi makan pagi, tak senang-senang hidup. Tapi kawan-kawan aku buat seribu satu jenis "kesalahan" hidup mewah.
Namun, aku bersyukur sangat dengan apa yang aku ada. Anak-anak mengikut kata, isteri bukan jenis meminta, tapi amat memahami. Kerja yang elok, makan yang halal. Aku reda kehidupan aku tak semewah mereka, tapi jiwa aku tenteram. InsyaAllah, mati aku pun tenteram gak bila tiba masanya.
Wallahualam.
Bila jumpa, masing-masing, ya lah, umur dah meningkat. Paras rupa memang ada perbezaan, kalau tak banyak pun, sedikit. Luntur (atau lentur) sana-sini, kembang sana-sini, tapi yang pasti, tak ada yang berkedut. Takat bahagian kepala tu Cessna boleh landing tu, ada jugaklah.
Tapi, bila masing-masing dah buka mulut, bercerita tentang kehidupan masing-masing, hati ni mula terdetik... Ya Allah, kawan-kawan aku ke ni? Kenapa berlainan sangat? Kenapa dorang jadi macam ni? Bila dorang gelak, follow je lah gelak, walaupun tak kelakar. Rasa macam aku ni kat tempat yang salah pun ada.
Dorang tu gaji 5 angka. Isteri tak bekerja pun boleh shopping kat Pavillion, pakai Prada, LV, Burberry, strawberry, blueberry entah apa jenis berry. Aku rasa out of place sangat bila kawan-kawan boleh "belai" isteri dengan barang-barang branded macam tu. Kengkadang terasa lega gak bini aku bukan jenis kaki branded. Lepas tu masing-masing simpan dua tiga awek pulak. Kalau takat simpan aje tak per, ni bukan jenis untuk geli-geli, tapi all the way.
Aku ada gak dosa aku, tapi takut tengok tegukan dorang kat tempat kami jumpa tu. Botol-botol tu dikosongkan macam minum air mineral. Kawan-kawan yang pernah aku kenal dulu ke ni? Nasib baik dorang tu jenis tak paksa. At least dorang respek aku takat minum Pepsi je. Dorang bawak BMW, aku takat Saga je. Dorang link house, town house yang harga cecah lebih setengah juta... aku takat bungalow ala-ala setinggan. Gaji pun 4 angka... tolak dengan bayar hutang, tinggallah seciput untuk hidup sebulan. Ada masa tu rasa macam kais pagi makan pagi, tak senang-senang hidup. Tapi kawan-kawan aku buat seribu satu jenis "kesalahan" hidup mewah.
Namun, aku bersyukur sangat dengan apa yang aku ada. Anak-anak mengikut kata, isteri bukan jenis meminta, tapi amat memahami. Kerja yang elok, makan yang halal. Aku reda kehidupan aku tak semewah mereka, tapi jiwa aku tenteram. InsyaAllah, mati aku pun tenteram gak bila tiba masanya.
Wallahualam.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Reminiscing my past
I don't know what came over me. As I was just sitting down, suddenly my childhood memories just came down flushing in my mind. It brought me back when I was under 6 years old, back at Police Academy in Thompson Road, Singapore.
The situation at the Inspector's Quarters was very muhibbah to say the least. On the hill there was just a line of link houses but I remember very well three families: mine, an Indian-Chinese couple with their sons Frankie and Edwin, and a Chinese family whose names I forgot but not their son and daughters, Junie, Sharon and Sabrina. They also have this BIG dog which scared the wits out of me and a very talkative and very intelligent parrot.
The Chinese families had air conditioner at home and it was LOUD. The Indian-Chinese family, the parents worked at the academy's clinic as a nurse and alamak... what's the word for the person who gives medicine? Oh yes, pharmacist.
Where are you guys now? They were the bestest of friends one can have. Those guys are the reason I'm quite proficient in English. I can't quite remember how I communicated with them before I could really speak in English. The moments with them were precious. We would walk to the outskirts of the academy to... I can't remember where and why but there was this stream and when it rained, the small stream (or was it just a big longkang?) would gush out water as if it were a rapid. I remembered very well Edwin lost one of his slippers because he was playing on the small bridge during the rapid-like longkang was in full fury.
They were already having tuition that time and I volunteered to study A B C with them. The tuition teacher brought them to the Aquarium one fine day. I thought I was one of them, but they left me high and dry alone!!! I remembered crying my eyes and guts out in the middle of the road in front of my house. My mom tried VERY hard to appease me but to no avail.
Junie's parents once brought back a boomerang after a trip to Australia. He was playing catch with his boomerang in my house (the air well at the back was huge!), but since I was BAD at catching stuff, the boomerang hit just above my eyes. Bloody was trickling down and I was bawling because it hurt like hell. My parents and Junie's frantically brought me over to the clinic and the doctor managed to stitch the wound. Was it painful? YOU BETCHA!!! I didn't stop screaming until everything was over. Poor Junie, he was reprimanded for something that I think wasn't his fault at all.
We would always be bartering food from one another. I remember well the delicious jelly Junie's mom would give us, and in return my mom would give them some Malay lauk pauk. It wasn't only during Raya or Christmas or Chinese New Year. We would just do it 'just because'. That's 1Malaysia for you... only it was in Singapore at that time.
Junie was always in trouble with his parents (because of me...) hehe... One time, I woke up from sleep and Junie was playing with this toy. All I wanted to do was to BORROW it from him, but he wouldn't let me. He was a bit stingy I guess. So, we 'fought'. My dad and Junie's dad came home from work and they saw us shouting at one another. I told them what happened, and in a flash, Junie got a nice smack in the butt by his dad. "THANKS UNCLE!!!" ... guess what? His dad GAVE me that toy. Sorry Junie, but I won...
Edwin was like my twin and Frankie was like my older brother. We were not naughty and we would just play together. They had a lot of toys. Usually after Christmas Edwin would show off his new toys that he got as Christmas gift. My favorite toys with them: Matchbox cars one whole set together with the 'road'. We would play the whole day. I can't recall anytime we would fight. We were THAT close.
What I would not do to meet them again. In 1971, we moved out of Singapore to stay for good in Malaysia. We lost contact ever since...
The situation at the Inspector's Quarters was very muhibbah to say the least. On the hill there was just a line of link houses but I remember very well three families: mine, an Indian-Chinese couple with their sons Frankie and Edwin, and a Chinese family whose names I forgot but not their son and daughters, Junie, Sharon and Sabrina. They also have this BIG dog which scared the wits out of me and a very talkative and very intelligent parrot.
The Chinese families had air conditioner at home and it was LOUD. The Indian-Chinese family, the parents worked at the academy's clinic as a nurse and alamak... what's the word for the person who gives medicine? Oh yes, pharmacist.
Where are you guys now? They were the bestest of friends one can have. Those guys are the reason I'm quite proficient in English. I can't quite remember how I communicated with them before I could really speak in English. The moments with them were precious. We would walk to the outskirts of the academy to... I can't remember where and why but there was this stream and when it rained, the small stream (or was it just a big longkang?) would gush out water as if it were a rapid. I remembered very well Edwin lost one of his slippers because he was playing on the small bridge during the rapid-like longkang was in full fury.
They were already having tuition that time and I volunteered to study A B C with them. The tuition teacher brought them to the Aquarium one fine day. I thought I was one of them, but they left me high and dry alone!!! I remembered crying my eyes and guts out in the middle of the road in front of my house. My mom tried VERY hard to appease me but to no avail.
Junie's parents once brought back a boomerang after a trip to Australia. He was playing catch with his boomerang in my house (the air well at the back was huge!), but since I was BAD at catching stuff, the boomerang hit just above my eyes. Bloody was trickling down and I was bawling because it hurt like hell. My parents and Junie's frantically brought me over to the clinic and the doctor managed to stitch the wound. Was it painful? YOU BETCHA!!! I didn't stop screaming until everything was over. Poor Junie, he was reprimanded for something that I think wasn't his fault at all.
We would always be bartering food from one another. I remember well the delicious jelly Junie's mom would give us, and in return my mom would give them some Malay lauk pauk. It wasn't only during Raya or Christmas or Chinese New Year. We would just do it 'just because'. That's 1Malaysia for you... only it was in Singapore at that time.
Junie was always in trouble with his parents (because of me...) hehe... One time, I woke up from sleep and Junie was playing with this toy. All I wanted to do was to BORROW it from him, but he wouldn't let me. He was a bit stingy I guess. So, we 'fought'. My dad and Junie's dad came home from work and they saw us shouting at one another. I told them what happened, and in a flash, Junie got a nice smack in the butt by his dad. "THANKS UNCLE!!!" ... guess what? His dad GAVE me that toy. Sorry Junie, but I won...
Edwin was like my twin and Frankie was like my older brother. We were not naughty and we would just play together. They had a lot of toys. Usually after Christmas Edwin would show off his new toys that he got as Christmas gift. My favorite toys with them: Matchbox cars one whole set together with the 'road'. We would play the whole day. I can't recall anytime we would fight. We were THAT close.
What I would not do to meet them again. In 1971, we moved out of Singapore to stay for good in Malaysia. We lost contact ever since...
Friday, September 25, 2009
To go or not to go, that is the question.
Any tennis-crazy person would be CRAZY not to be in Putra Stadium to watch the inaugural Malaysia Open ATP 250 tournament. I'm a tennis fan to the very core of my being.
BUT! I am torn between going or not going to watch it LIVE. After all, it's gonna be on TV, right? I would KILL to be there and watch the semi or the finals in person. It a catch-44 (just like to overkill the sentence by doubling the Catch-22 thingy) for me because as much as I would love to see it live, my pocket is screaming NOOOOO!!!! Where am I gonna get RM198 to watch it close, or just pay RM50++ (I think) and watch it from WAAAAAAY up the stadium??? Am I going to be there for the game or the atmosphere???
HELP ME!!!!
BUT! I am torn between going or not going to watch it LIVE. After all, it's gonna be on TV, right? I would KILL to be there and watch the semi or the finals in person. It a catch-44 (just like to overkill the sentence by doubling the Catch-22 thingy) for me because as much as I would love to see it live, my pocket is screaming NOOOOO!!!! Where am I gonna get RM198 to watch it close, or just pay RM50++ (I think) and watch it from WAAAAAAY up the stadium??? Am I going to be there for the game or the atmosphere???
HELP ME!!!!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Raya dulu, Raya sekarang
True enuff, zaman2 dah tua ni tak rasa 'raya'. Dulu masa kecik2, tak sabar nak raya. Tak sabar nak balik kampung jumpa nenek dan sedara-mara. Sekarang ni raya dah macam 'hari-hari biasa'. Macam tak ada specialnya.
Teori aku lah, kenapa jadi macam ni. Dulu, mak tak keje. Dia dok rumah. Time bulan posa ni lah dah dua minggu nak raya, masa tu mak sebok kat dapur buat biskut raya. Harum bau bakaran biskut dari oven tu semerbak satu rumah. Dahlah dulu rumah aku rumah flat kecik je kat JB tu, lagi lah dengan jiran2 punya bau biskut pun melekat kat rumah.
Sekarang ni, orang rumah jenis bekerja. Mana ada masa nak bakar biskut ke apa. Paling2 pun gi 'tunjuk2' je.
Anak2 tak rasa macam kita rasa. Dulu still boleh main, at least lah, bunga api, kalau bukan mercun. Tapi mercun tak kira dulu sekarang, berdentam dentum juga. But!!! Bunga api pun bukannya barang larangan macam dulu, so, selalulah tengok budak2 main bunga api, mercun bila nak raya. Suasana 'raya' tu very terserlah.
Maybe aku dulu duduk JB selalu sangat dengar radio Singapura. Radio sana seawal minggu pertama dah main lagu raya. Suara Tok Pah Eni, Tok Dir, Tok Mat Jais, Kak Jun Amin, Auntie Fazedah selalu lah berkumandang ke udara. Masa tu radio kat Malaysia ni pun tak banyak macam dulu, main FM FM, dulu AM je. Tu yang eksyen sket dengo radio Singapore. Lagipun kat radio dulu ada banyak 'drama radio', bangsawan lah... time2 posa ni banyak gak adegan pasal nak raya, jadi... suasana raya tu makin membuak dalam jiwa.
Zaman makin moden. Dulu raya kat kampung terbang sana-sini macam burung hinggap kat rumah sedara mara. Sekarang ni aku balik raya kat bandar (ye kira macam bandar ler) orang rumah aku, satu hari suntuk duduk kat rumah. Tengok TV lah gamaknya. Duduk 3 4 hari, lepas tu dah balik Rawang. Tak berjalan tau! Dok rumah je. Lagilah tak rasa raya, macam balik masa cuti gitu-gitu je.
Apa2pun... Selamat Berhari Raya, di mana jua anda berada, rasa raya ke tidak, sendiri rasalah.
Teori aku lah, kenapa jadi macam ni. Dulu, mak tak keje. Dia dok rumah. Time bulan posa ni lah dah dua minggu nak raya, masa tu mak sebok kat dapur buat biskut raya. Harum bau bakaran biskut dari oven tu semerbak satu rumah. Dahlah dulu rumah aku rumah flat kecik je kat JB tu, lagi lah dengan jiran2 punya bau biskut pun melekat kat rumah.
Sekarang ni, orang rumah jenis bekerja. Mana ada masa nak bakar biskut ke apa. Paling2 pun gi 'tunjuk2' je.
Anak2 tak rasa macam kita rasa. Dulu still boleh main, at least lah, bunga api, kalau bukan mercun. Tapi mercun tak kira dulu sekarang, berdentam dentum juga. But!!! Bunga api pun bukannya barang larangan macam dulu, so, selalulah tengok budak2 main bunga api, mercun bila nak raya. Suasana 'raya' tu very terserlah.
Maybe aku dulu duduk JB selalu sangat dengar radio Singapura. Radio sana seawal minggu pertama dah main lagu raya. Suara Tok Pah Eni, Tok Dir, Tok Mat Jais, Kak Jun Amin, Auntie Fazedah selalu lah berkumandang ke udara. Masa tu radio kat Malaysia ni pun tak banyak macam dulu, main FM FM, dulu AM je. Tu yang eksyen sket dengo radio Singapore. Lagipun kat radio dulu ada banyak 'drama radio', bangsawan lah... time2 posa ni banyak gak adegan pasal nak raya, jadi... suasana raya tu makin membuak dalam jiwa.
Zaman makin moden. Dulu raya kat kampung terbang sana-sini macam burung hinggap kat rumah sedara mara. Sekarang ni aku balik raya kat bandar (ye kira macam bandar ler) orang rumah aku, satu hari suntuk duduk kat rumah. Tengok TV lah gamaknya. Duduk 3 4 hari, lepas tu dah balik Rawang. Tak berjalan tau! Dok rumah je. Lagilah tak rasa raya, macam balik masa cuti gitu-gitu je.
Apa2pun... Selamat Berhari Raya, di mana jua anda berada, rasa raya ke tidak, sendiri rasalah.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tsk tsk tsk ... sugar and stuff
OK. I didn't know about this UNTIL it went out on TV. Whaddya know? It seems that sugar is quite a commodity now. Why is it that when it is close to a festival, especially those celebrated by the majority of the country, suddenly there's a shortage of sugar lah, flour lah. Why are these pemborong so greedy and make life miserable for this 'majority'? I know lah you guys hold the economy, but when it's close to your new year, things like this never happens.
Funny thing is, trying to find sugar at a Malay shop is like trying to buy a Porsche. Go to a Chinese shop, voila, you can even buy 3 or 4 packets easily.
Don't lah be like this, not nice one ooo...
Funny thing is, trying to find sugar at a Malay shop is like trying to buy a Porsche. Go to a Chinese shop, voila, you can even buy 3 or 4 packets easily.
Don't lah be like this, not nice one ooo...
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Can someone help me...
Clean my room??? It's in such a mess!!! Meja macam ada gajah baru datang serang... Help!!! TOLONG!!! Au secours....
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